Happy Monday! If you want to see what hoarding looks like you don’t have to look too far; no need to turn on TLC. You can either tour the apartment in Chelsea that my roommate and I looked at last weekend OR you could just come over and take a gander at my closet. It is so bad that I have additional rolling racks of clothes chillin’ by my kitchen table, and I installed shelving specifically for shoes (and when I say installed, I mean, I illegally hammered holes into the drywall of my apartment and “hung” mini shelves I got for 6 bucks a pop at the Ikea in Red Hook).
If you are like me (and I know you people are out there, you just don’t want to admit it) you may have trouble finding reasons to dig to the back of your dresser and make use of your oldies. While I don’t have a lot of advice on how to revive your Jessica McClintock cocktail dress from middle school prom, your power bead bracelets from Limited Too, or one of your many Hollister graphic tees you wore with Uggs and a denim mini in 9th grade, I can offer advice on how to fix up an old formal dress from college! I know how to make your Alpha Chi Omega ’Carnation Ball’ frock seem a little less, “Oh man really, unlimited Natty Light, and they aren’t even checking ID’s?” and a little more, “Wait, you did say this thing tonight in Meatpacking was open bar, right?” How grown up and metropolitan am I? Enter said frock: An A.B.S. by Allen Schwartz pleated tent dress my mother bought for me at Neiman’s for my first sorority formal. I loved her. She was (is) such a fun little dress.
(Dress: A.B.S. Allen Schwartz, Shoes: Nine West, Cuff: Dannijo)
Please notice the shelving behind me that I mentioned above. Do you see how unbalanced they are? Jesus knows I tried. It only took me a day and a half. ANYHOW, this getup is perfect for a summer night out. It’s easy breezy (a little too breezy actually, some construction workers on 23rd street got a free show out of this getup a few weeks ago). I put it with these outrageous/hilarious/kinda really effing amazing Nine West gold platforms and a Dannijo cuff. Simple, but fun. Much better than the patent black peep toes and gold bangles of yesteryear. Look at it move! I am known for my grace, FYI, if it wasn’t overtly apparent from the above photo.
The absolute best part about this dress is the ability for it to become a makeshift veil. This is something I learned at age 18 while on a party bus in Lawrence, KS trying to sneak a beer past the Standards board (sorry, Stephanie). At age 23, my instinct to transform into a nun remains.
Then – Freshman Year Formal in the bathroom. Now – Pre-Open bar with the gal pals.
Ahh, memories. I don’t want to endorse psychological disorders, but perhaps this type of hoarding is good. Don’t ditch those old party dresses because you never know when they can be used again. Someone will always have a last minute summer rooftop party to commemorate their new part-time-overtime-just for-extra-cash job and all you will have time to do is run by Trader Joes to pick up 3 bottles of 2 Buck Chuck.
I leave you with me, circa 2007 with my date to the AXO formal. We were 18 and obviously the only ones without fake ID’s - X marks the spot. We also look like children, which reminds me, I need to get on the overnight wrinkle cream ASAP. And before you ask, yes, I have always been this photogenic. Adios!Pictures by an assortment of tipsy party goers in college & Jordan Jacobson